I remember the first time I tried to ask someone to match the value I felt I deserved to be shown. Their response of laughter & rejection has stuck with me throughout my entire life and has served as an echo every time I have tried setting a boundary when it comes to what I’m worth. I might not be wired like everyone else out there, but words & phrases people have said to me stick to my sides like a prickly cactus & continue to inflict pain because I hold onto the fear of that same reaction from that first interaction despite trying my best to rid myself of their words.
I remember words. I always have. The first time I ever asked for a raise at my first job as a teenager my boss laughed & said, “no, you’re not worth that”. And I still hear those words to this day that I have had to fight to not listen to. I can pull out strings of sentences from my memory & write paragraphs of the negative things people have said to me throughout my entire life. My brain can recollect every single wound from all the wounds I have ever encountered. Phrases like “he should have chosen her over you” or “that wasn’t trauma” or “there’s not many places her [huge] body can even fit”. And I can also name on one hand the times I’ve felt people have said actual positive things to me. They stand out because there was always an actual shock to my body to hear. Simple things like “how are you?” Or “you’re right, I shouldn’t have asked that of you?” Or “what’s something you can’t live without” & I’m hardly ever sure how to respond. I’m not practiced in people wanting to know me, people valuing me, or at least people showing me that they want to do both in healthy & well ways. So whenever it happens or someone actually respects my input, it always surprises me.
Creating value was something I never really gave much thought to growing up. But then I created something for myself on accident over 11 years ago when I started being a blogger. I was a 19 year old girl who didn’t know what she was doing or even really understand her end goal of putting together outfits to post & share online. A few years of consistency & the growth of the little app we all know as Instagram & I started working with small businesses and brands to create content, write blogs, do giveaways, & have them re-share my photos that I had taken. Back then I did most things for fun or for trade, which means I’d either purchase a product & I’d post about it because I thought it was cool, or they’d gift me a product to post about. I was a nanny at the time & would create all this work during nap times & it was just a fun experience to me. The more that industry developed, the more I realized it had money potential as people were recognizing a skill that I had that they didn’t when it came to taking photos, marketing, & writing about experiences. I started to charge brands, or attempt to, since my time & what I could offer was valuable. They usually countered back & saying that we [bloggers] were getting paid in “exposure” which was ridiculous & showed they lacked the respect for what we were creating. So over time us bloggers started saying “Well, we can’t pay our bills with exposure” in order to create the boundary that we deserved to be paid for our work. It was a time when a newer industry was being born & so many people on both ends didn’t fully know what to do with it.
For me, it wasn’t until I had to unexpectedly quit a job in 2017 that I wasn’t being valued at that I hit the ground running in my solopreneur adventure and wouldn’t do any form of work without a check in exchange for work. I had a value in what I was creating. Brands were reaching out to me & wanting to use what I was creating & my work deserved to be paid what it was worth. Since then, I have worked with businesses locally & online to create photos, videos, write about experiences, run their social media accounts, be creative, give input & insight into their marketing strategies, and time & time again I have had to fight to be paid what my value is worth. I have been told, you’re not worth it, I’ve been bartered with & attempted to have my prices negotiated, I’ve been taken advantage of, undervalued, had professional boundaries be crossed, told what I do isn’t a real job, & had people end my contracts over night because they think they can do my job better or cheaper by hiring someone else. Overtime I have gotten fed up with people thinking creativity is easy or that they can pay little for a full spectrum of jobs you usually would have to hire an entire team for.
I am a creative director, a photographer, a lighting expert, a copywriter, a marketing strategist, a social media manager, an editor, a writer, a graphic designer, a wardrobe & set designer, a stylist, a videographer, a photoshop expert, a model at times, a researcher, a script writer, a bookkeeper, an accountant, an all in one, self-taught bundle who didn’t go to school & figured all of this out for herself. I have value. And I’m just exhausted hearing people saying I don’t, so I figured it was time to create it myself.
The second piece to BE SEEN. the brand is the Create your own value. basic tee. Because no one, but you should get to define your worth. Whether that’s in the form of being paid for your work, or how you are treated in life & relationships. You’re the keeper of the value you hold & you alone are responsible for sharing it with the world & holding them accountable to respecting your boundary on it.
Wear this tee & be encouraged to never settle for less. Don’t allow who you are & what you know you deserve to be shot down by a no, or a laugh, or a phrase of words saying you’re not good enough. Stop being okay with what they all think they get to say about you & set yourself upon the truth you know exists within you.
That’s what I did by creating this brand. Because I am done with people in this world thinking they get to put a price tag on me & what I have to offer.
Create your own value.
And anyone who doesn’t see it or show their appreciation towards you can gladly leave.
- Abbey Kay, Founder of BE SEEN.
*This does not pertain to all or current clients of mine. I have had plenty of people I have worked & created for that have completely appreciated & valued what I do! But of course, my brain is wired to highlight all the bad encounters & brushing those off to focus on the good is something I’m always constantly working on!